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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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