i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
