i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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