he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
