When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
