I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
