i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize