she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
