For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
