my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have aggressive nipples.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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