He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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