He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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