i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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