i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
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Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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