Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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