If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
