.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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