Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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