I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
