He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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