He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
