Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
