Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
well you can't waste a boner
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
