I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
