you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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