your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
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She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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