Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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