I think scott just propositioned me for sex
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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