Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
