we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
