3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Porn is love you can see.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
