I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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