Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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