So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
