We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
