I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
