The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
please come you make the beer taste better
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
