Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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