Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
