i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
