I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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