i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
