Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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