...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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