if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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