I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
