it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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