she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
