I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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