how hairy? two words: wookie tits
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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