Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
