I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
