Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
