I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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