I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
