I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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