I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize