Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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