The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize