ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
