The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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