Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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