I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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