I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
