why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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