my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
