i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
