He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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