If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
